Today is Sunday and we started off the day going to church and spending
some wonderful time with God. I was
still pretty emotional today and I think it was mostly because of lack of sleep
and because we didn’t go visit baby boy.
Having something crazy happen to you like having your baby delivered by
emergency csection at only 23 weeks gestation because you could die if you don’t
deliver is a lot to go through. It is
hard to get back to “normal”. I never
understood that feeling that you were in an alternate universe until this
experience. Church is hard for me
because I am afraid to be so emotional in front of everyone. I am so thankful for that wonderful body of
believers that have surrounded us with their love and support but I want to
stay strong when we visit with them. It
is crazy how many people ask you that question…”How are you?” Well….how am I really…I have no idea. I could tell you how I am not probably better
than how I am. That probably makes no
sense lol. I am so happy, tired,
emotional, sad, bummed, in love, blessed, and honored all at the same
time. It is not really a feeling I can
explain. All I know is that I take
things day by day and moment by moment and I lean on God for those times of
sadness, worry, doubt, etc; then I praise God for those times of happiness,
honor, blessings, love, and good or bad emotion. The truth is that this is not easy. It is hard to be at home without my baby
boy. But God has never promised easy to
me and I do not expect it. I just lean
on Him when I am not strong enough. God is
the ultimate supporter. He is love. He does not just love you, He IS love. Every part of him IS what love is all about. We as humans will never understand the depth
of this love but I can tell you that this love is the ultimate supporter at all
times.
Jordan’s update came from a call to the doctors at NICU today from our
great friends. He is doing pretty much
the same as yesterday as far as his physical condition. At this stage in his development, the thing
we are doing the most is waiting. His
condition is mostly stable and his main needs right now are to gain weight and
maturity. As he does this, there are
daily issues that come up but these are not as major as in the first stages of
his life. I am so thankful that Jordan has
been given this miracle. God has blessed
him so much and I am beyond honored to be able to watch the changes happening
and the miracles that are taking place.
Specifically, we want to ask that God would touch Jordan’s lungs and
allow us to see progress about their condition.
The more he matures and develops the better chances his lungs have to
overcome any damage. We are praying that
we see some progress soon with his lung condition. I want to hold my baby boy so badly. I trust that God will make the timing perfect
and the moment will be so unforgettable.
God’s power is so awesome. The
miracles that He has already overcome in Jordan’s life are phenomenal. First, Jordan was born at 23 weeks gestation
weighing only 12.3 ounces and 9.8 inches long.
This in itself is a miracle because there is such a low chance for a
baby born this young to live. At 6 days
old, Jordan had open heart surgery to fix his PDA in his heart. Praise God, another miracle, the surgery was
a success with no complications. The
next hurdle was his digestion and nutrition.
Premature babies often have holes in their intestines because they are
under developed. Praise God for yet
another miracle, Jordan’s intestines are great and his urine output and bowel
movements are working properly. He is
also gaining weight at a steady pace and taking on more and more breast milk in
his feedings daily. He has successfully
passed his nutrition and digestion tests which are important to his further
development. Just based on his three
weeks of life, I have already mentioned three miracles and these were just the
most visible ones. I am positive that
God is doing miracles that we may not even recognize on a daily basis in this
little boy’s life. I praise God so much
for these blessings. I know that God has
amazing plans for our baby boy and I pray that these plans would match my own
desires for Jordan to have a long and healthy life. I also pray that God would use this story to
plant many seeds and reach many people for His kingdom. We cannot even fathom the depth of God’s
power. All we can do is trust in His
plans. Jeremiah 29:11 has been a great
verse for me throughout this experience.
God brings it to my mind often.
It says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you;
plans to give you hope and a future.”
This verse has been a great stronghold for me because God is promising
that He has already planned out your life and these plans are for your own good
rather than your harm. This is such a
great promise.
Jason had a great day. We decided
that he is far more popular at church than either of us are. Everyone loves Jason. It seems like he walks in the door and the
crowds flock to tell him how cute he is. I love it that so many people like to embrace
him and he enjoys it as well. This
morning he was making me laugh because he was playing with his cars and then he
would do something cool with them and tell himself, “Good Job Bubba!” and then
he would give himself high fives, knuckles, and thumbs for his
accomplishment. I love that he takes
pride in what he does and that he is so confident and energetic. We were skyping with Jacob’s mom a few
minutes ago and she was laughing about how much Jason reminds her of Jacob at
that age. It seems like the energy he
has is never ending. He has decided to
not take naps anymore. Today we laid him
down for a quiet time. Both Jacob and I
took a nap but I really do not think that Jason ever actually went to sleep. I think he just played in his room for an
hour..but he was perfectly content doing just that. Jacob grilled us some chicken for dinner and
we kind of just relaxed this afternoon.
We were discussing earlier that our lives have become so busy that we
hardly ever just sit around doing nothing.
This is probably a good thing but it was nice to have a Sunday afternoon
to forget about everything that needed to be cleaned and done and just relax.
Tomorrow we go see Jordan and this really lifts my spirits. I really enjoy spending time with him. Although there is not much we can do but hand
cuddle him and stare/talk at him, I love to just sit there and watch him. We are so much in love with him and proud to
be his mommy and daddy. I am so thankful
for the quality of care that he is receiving and I know that God placed us here
in Japan for this exact purpose. All of
the trials that we have endured through our time in Japan was to prepare us for
this moment and to shape our lives so that God can use us for his great
purposes. I was recently talking to my
best friend about how sometimes life can seem so boring and can seem to hold no
purpose at all. You can feel like you
are stuck between doing something productive with your life and just sitting in
limbo. I think that just because we are
not seeing what God has planned does not mean that he is not using that time
toward his purpose. Sometimes God’s plan
is simply for us to wait for further notice.
By no means does this mean that we should just do nothing though. We should use this time to make our
relationships with God deeper and more personal. God will reveal His plans if you ask. Sometimes his answer may be patience but God’s
timing really is perfect.
Lord give us patience to wait for
your plans and your timing. We know that
you have promised that you have great plans and that these plans are for our
good and not to cause us harm. You are a
God of love and you hurt with us.
Sometimes the path that is easy is not the correct path for our
lives. The burdens and trials in our
life prepare us for something much greater.
We thank you for your awesome power.
You have done so many miracles through Jordan already and we are grateful
to be able to watch these first hand. We
know that your power goes way farther than our own understanding. We cannot fathom the depths of your love and
the strength of your power. Moments like
these do give us a glimpse though. I
thank you for Jordan’s will power and strength.
You have already given us so much with this little boy. I ask that you would continue to bless him
and strengthen him. Give the doctors
wisdom to select the correct treatments and help Jordan to be a medical miracle
in their eyes. Help us to show the
doctors and nurses that You are the reason for his success. The doctor often tells me that Jordan is very
strong but Jordan is human. His strength
comes from you. Please place your
healing hands on his lungs and help us to see some progress with their
development and condition. We look
forward to being able to hold him someday and we know that your timing for this
is perfect. Help Jacob and I to be good
testimonies for you. Give us your love
and grace as we travel and continue this road that you have set before us. Help us to rely on you minute by minute. You have transformed our lives. The statistical numbers do not matter in your
mind because you hold all the power.
Thank you for Jason and his energy.
Give us the energy to keep up with him and the patience and love to
parent in a Godly manor. Help us to be
good examples for Jason to raise him in the ways that are right. Lord thank you for the blessings of people
that you have put into our lives. I am
so thankful for those who have surrounded us in love. Bless these people so that they may know how
much they have touched us and supported us.
Continue to guide us along the path and help us to take a step back and
give things to you when we become overwhelmed.
Help me to realize that being emotional is not something I need to hide
or be ashamed of. Your plans are greater
than anything I could imagine. Give us
rest tonight and prepare us for the week ahead.
We ask all these things in your powerful name, Amen.
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