Jordan is five days old today. I cannot believe how strong he is! I never in
my wildest dreams expected him to fight so long and hard. When they first told me I would need an
emergency C-section I honestly believed there was no way my precious baby would
survive being born that early. I was
trying to prepare myself to cope with his death. Instead, I have found myself amazed by his
life. I am amazed by God’s awesome
power. I was reading chapter two this
morning of The Purpose Driven Life, and it was just what I needed to hear. Every minute of your lifetime is preconceived
by God. He knows the exact time you will
be born; the exact circumstances; and the exact lifespan. He has planned all of these things out even
before you were conceived by your parents.
He chose the DNA that he wanted you
to have and gave you the parents that would make your perfect
combination. I feel so honored that I
was chosen to be Jordan’s mother. I am
also honored that I am chosen to be Jason’s mother. Both of my boys are beautiful and perfect
creations.
God planned for this entire
situation to happen in the perfect way that it did. We may have been shocked by the experience
but God was not. Jordan’s purpose was
already set into place and God planned for him to be so young. Thinking about this makes it a lot easier for
me to understand and handle. My human
self tells me this is not fair that he has to struggle like this. Although I don’t want him to suffer and I
want him to lead a long and healthy life, God has been with him from the
beginning and meant for things to occur in the way they have. Instead of feeling bitter, I have begun to
accept that this process was necessary for God’s plan and that God created this
circumstance out of love. God loves his
creation so much and has centered everything based on His love for us. The closest I will come to understanding
God’s perfect love is the love that I have for my boys.
Jordan is still fighting this
battle. He will hopefully be continuing
to fight for quite some time. This is
going to be a long journey for us but we are confident in God’s power and healing
ability and we trust in his purpose for our lives. Today we received our first good update on
Jordan. The third dose of IND treatment
to close his PDA had a small effect. The
effect was not big enough to close the shunt but did allow for greater
circulation to the other tissues of his body such as his brain, kidneys, intestines,
etc. The dose also came with no side
effects to the rest of his health.
Because of this, the doctors are able to wait on surgery and offer him a
fourth dose of the IND treatment. I am
praying that this fourth dose will also have some effect on closing the
PDA. The doctor explained that his skin
condition has improved and his overall condition has also improved. We were overjoyed with this news as it means
a step in the right direction. God is
truly showing us his awesome power. The
doctor explained that if surgery is necessary, the longer we are able to put it
off the better it will be. The longer
Jordan lives; he becomes more mature and more developed. If he is more mature before surgery, the
surgery becomes safer to perform and more likely to produce good results. I am overjoyed by his progress. When I look at him, I can see the difference
in his skin condition and it is awesome to be able to witness the miracle first
hand. Jordan had all the numbers against
him at birth but he had God for him.
Numbers do not matter to God.
For my own condition, I had half of
my staples removed today. Jacob was able
to look at the cut on my stomach and he was impressed at how crazy it
looks. A C-section is not a very neat
process. The staples did not hurt to
take out but I was a little nervous for the process. I will get the second half of them out
tomorrow. My strength is increasing and
my soreness is starting to go away. It
is great to be able to start doing more for myself. I am still having a few congestion
problems. This is a side effect of the
HELLP to have water in the lungs but I believe it is starting to go away.
We asked if Jason would be able to
go into the NICU to meet his baby brother and we were told that they do not
allow anyone except adults. I understand
why this is a rule and I accept that it is necessary, but I do wish my little
boys could at least meet. I just pray
that Jordan will continue improving and fighting so that they may someday be
able to wrestle, play, run around, laugh, grow, learn, and so much more
together. I have high hopes for their
brotherly relationship. I miss Jason a
lot today. I want to hug his little body
and get some super sweet bubba cuddles. It
is rough being separated but I know that it’s for the best. He seems to be doing okay hanging out with
daddy and I know that he will not remember this time as he gets older. I need to focus on my own health right now. But hopefully Jason will be visiting on
Friday. I can’t wait to be able to bring
Jordan home and have both of my babies with me whenever I want.
Every day when we go visit Jordan, we pray
over him before we leave. We ask God to
infuse him with strength. He was moving
around a lot today when we went in. I
love to watch him furrow his brow and make little grumpy faces at us. They said they were going to try to turn him
today and were also going to see if they could get him to poop with an
enema. His urine output is good now so
they continue to work on so many things at once to increase his
development. I am so proud of him and
the strength that he has been given.
We have had so many people
supporting us. Not only in prayer but
also in person. We have not had to be
alone through this process. The church
is organizing some meals for Jacob to have in the freezer or refrigerator so
that he can eat healthy without having to spend a bunch of money or do a bunch
of cooking. The ladies heard me talking
to Jacob about not eating out every day because we could definitely use that
money for more important things. I know
they are working on doing things out of love for our family and I am thankful
that people who were close to strangers before have become like family
instantaneously. The families at church
have been watching our home, our son, making meals, cleaning our home, watching
Lucy, praying, visiting, translating, and so much more. I know we are blessed.
I have one particular nurse that is
such an incredible person. She speaks
English very well and tries her hardest to make sure my life is as comfortable
as possible. All of the paperwork for
the hospital is in Japanese. Because of
this, we have to have a translator for many things. My nurse
has spent her own personal time to type a translation of many of the papers I
have been given to explain my care. I am
so blessed that God brought her into my life and thankful for her service. I thought this was the most thoughtful thing
and I pray that God blesses her so much!
She is an awesome young woman and I pray that she was able to experience
God’s love through us as witnesses.
Staying alone in the hospital is pretty boring but I am getting a lot of
time to spend praising God with worship and prayer. I am thankful for this time I have to
reflect, grow, and release my emotions. I
have decided that we need to put health at the top of our priority list for our
family. This includes exercise, eating
right, and taking care of our bodies. We
should not take the things we are given
for granted. Health included.
Lord, I pray for many things
today. First off, I praise your name for
the progression that we have seen with Jordan.
I am so thankful that we were able to receive good news and that his
condition is improving. I pray that you
would infuse him with your strength and love and place your hand of healing on
his little heart. I ask that you would
allow the medication to be effective and allow the shunt to close. I am gracious and undeserving of the love and
affection you have shown me and my family.
I am honored to be chosen to be this little boy’s mother and to witness
your miracle through him. I am thankful
that his brain activity is increasing and I pray so hard for continued
progression. I know that he has a long
road ahead toward recovery and I pray that you would guide that road and guide
his development into your perfect plan. I pray that his life would be used as a
testimony to your power, grace, love, and promise. Through your strength we are made new. I know his story can reach so many for your
glory. I ask that you would also be with
Jacob and I and allow us to already be using his testimony for your glory. Help us to be a light in the darkness and to
continue in strength and faith. Help us
to reach many with our situation. Let us
not be afraid to tell others about you and the miracle that you are doing in
our lives. I am thankful to have Jacob
as my soul mate. He has been such a
strong supporter of me from the beginning.
I pray that you would allow me to be the same amount of support for him. I pray for my precious Jason. I ask that you would give him peace and understanding
about the separation. I thank you for
his sweet heart and ask that you would bless him. Help Jacob and I to also put his needs at the
front of our minds even as we handle the crazy things coming our way. Lord please bless these two little boys. Bless the doctors and nurses that are caring
for Jordan on a daily basis and bless the friends that are helping out with
Jason, lucy, our home, and our lives.
Thank you for showing us your awesome grace and love. I ask all these things in your name, Amen.
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