10 days old 6-18-12

My sweet little boy is 10 days old today.  I cannot believe how much time we have been given with this little miracle.  We are so blessed by this experience.  Today was my first day waking up in my own bed rather than at the hospital.  I will admit that it was difficult to wake up to my alarms at 1am, 4am, and 7am to pump because my bed was so comfy.  I know that it is important for Jordan’s health that I continue to provide him nourishment even when he is not home with me.  I do long for that day.  I know that we have such a long way to go during this process. 

This morning, I woke up and ate breakfast and then was able to video skype with my family for the first time since everything has happened.  I really miss my parents and my sisters and wish they could be next to me for hugs and support.  I know they are supporting me from where they are and God has blessed us with the awesome support of our friends here.  It was nice to be able to talk to them in detail about their awesome grandsons. 

Today, the crazy busyness arrived.  I think the phone rang about ten times this morning with different meetings and items that we have to take care of now.  We are definitely going to have to become more organized people than we currently are.  The drive to Aomori was not bad and the scenery around the area is gorgeous.  I read my devotion during the drive and it was discussing ways that we glorify God.  God is deserving of all the glory for every situation.  There are only two things in God’s creation that fail to glorify him.  These are fallen angels (such as satan), and humans.  Romans 3:23 says For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.  We are not glorifying God when we sin against him.  Although, when we follow His plans and purposes, we are glorifying Him in the highest ways possible.  I pray that I would glorify God with my attitudes, lifestyle, and heart as I go through this journey and experience His miracle.

When we first got into the NICU we were not allowed to see Jordan right away because the doctors were working with him.  After about twenty minutes they finally let us in, and explained his condition and situation.  His digestion and intestinal condition is improving.  He is eating more and more daily and has not had any problems with digesting the milk.  We are praising God for this.  Often times, premature babies are born with holes in their intestines because they are underdeveloped.  So far, Jordan does not seem to have any holes.  The concern has now moved on to his respiratory system.  His respiratory condition has become worse.  It is not good for the lungs to be on the ventilator for a long period of time because the lungs then become lazy and stop trying to work for themselves.  To encourage Jordan’s lungs to continue working, the oxygen levels and pressures of the ventilator have to be closely monitored.  The balance between oxygen concentration and pressure is very important.  I pray that God would give the doctors wisdom to know the balance and to monitor that balance perfect for Jordan.  While we were waiting to see Jordan, the doctors were replacing his ventilator tube with the next size up.  The tube that they were using was allowing air to leak around it because it was too small for our growing little boy.  Also, Jordan is very active and moves a lot.  When he moves, the tube can move and become misplaced and partially blocked off by his throat.  I praise God that Jordan is under 24/7 care with doctors and nurses who know how to control and fix these issues.

The doctor explained that there are several treatment options available that they will use to mature and prepare his lungs to be able to breathe on their own.  This includes steroids to mature his lungs, surfactant treatment, and possibly using a high frequency ventilator in the future.  The surfactant is the material that coats the inside of the lungs that reacts to the air once a baby comes out of the womb.  This is necessary for breathing without the ventilator.  We know that Jordan’s doctors are very knowledgeable in what they are doing and that they will take every precaution necessary.  I really like that the doctors explain things to us in great detail.  They make sure to tell us all the risks and the treatments available.  This helps put things into perspective for me.  Although this is not the news we wanted to hear, we realize that Jordan is going to have many ups and downs within his care until he able to leave the hospital.  He has many things to overcome and we trust in God’s plans to help him overcome these things in God’s timing.

Today we were able to do a few cute interaction things with our sweet little boy.  I was able to feed him through his feeding tube.  We were also able to hold our hands around him in a cuddling type of way.  His head is so soft and sweet.  The nurse was explaining that our touch helps him to feel loved and connected.  He needs this love for his development just as much as he needs the medical attention.  Lastly, I read him a story through his incubator window.  It was a story about hugs.  I hope someday that I get to hug this sweet little miracle.  I just know that he is going to be hugged on so much when he is able.  For now, we will be satisfied by our cuddle touch.

After we came home, I was already pretty tired.  It is emotionally and physically draining.  But I still have a very active two year-old to come home to.  Jason, Jacob and I enjoyed a wonderful dinner that was brought by friends, and then we played kick ball with Jason for about an hour.  Jason is getting really good at kicking the ball hard and straight and he enjoys it when he is successful.  His joy makes me smile and his heart and intelligence just melt my heart.  He is enjoying having both mommy and daddy home to love and spoil him.  I am looking forward to having both of my boys home to love on each day. 

Tomorrow is the first day since Jordan’s birth that I won’t see him.  I am a little worried at how I am going to handle this.  Now that I am home, it is really difficult for us to drive up to Aomori (1.5 hours away) on a daily basis.  We decided that it is best for now that we drive up on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday each week.  I pray that I can handle things emotionally. 

Lord, I want to thank you for my health.  I know that things could have been a lot different for me and now I am recovering very well.  I praise your name for this blessing.  I want to pray for Jordan.  I am so thankful that his digestion is doing well.  I am also thankful that he is an active little boy whom shows his zest for life.  I pray that you would have your healing hands on his lungs now.  I pray that you would work your miracles to develop his lungs and prepare them for breathing.  We believe in your power and believe that you have held Jordan in your hands from the beginning.  Please continue to show us your miracle through him and allow him to be a living testimony to your will.  We trust in your plan and your perfect timing.  Be with Jacob and I as we struggle with patience.  We want so badly to hold and love on him.  We know that the process he must overcome is great but we often forget about its enormity.  We realize that there will be ups and downs but that doesn’t make it easier to handle the downs emotionally.  We ask that you would be our strength as we watch you work.  We pray for Jason.  We love that he is so well behaved for those who are watching him.  Now that he is beginning to back talk at home we ask that you would guide us in our parenting and help us to be good examples of Godly living.  We praise your name for the support and guidance we have received.  Please continue to infuse your strength and endurance into the four of us through this journey.  We ask all these things in your name, Amen.