Today was a good day besides a
little lonely. I just got off the phone
with Jacob and Jason and I miss Jason so very much. Sometimes I feel like it is not fair that our
entire family cannot be together but then I have to remind myself that it is
not about me and my wants but about God’s purpose and plan. All things are good that are according to His
purpose. I long for the day when I can
hold both of my boys in my arms while they laugh and play; but I will be
patient and wait for that moment. If I
am patient, it will only be that much sweeter.
Both of my boys are so incredible and I am so thankful that I was chosen
to be their mother. I am also very
thankful for my lifelong soul mate to share in the experiences of life. Without Jacob, my life would be so much
harder. He is such a loving and
supportive husband. I truly am
blessed. Today in my reading of The
Purpose Driven Life, it discussed how we were created for eternity. We have a longing to live forever because we
were created that way. This life is only
to prepare us for eternity. I know that
God created Jordan with that longing for life because he has been fighting for
his life since he was born.
There are many developmental issues
that can occur based on prematurity.
While I was reading about them today on the internet, I came to the
conclusion that many of those things, besides possibly being time consuming,
are not really that difficult of a burden to bear. I don’t think I would have had those same
thoughts even two weeks ago. I think now
that I am faced with the situation of having one or more of those as a
possibility; I am more willing to take on that challenge out of love. I know that God has been preparing my heart
for quite some time for this particular moment.
I cannot believe that my sweet baby boy is a week old. I never would have imagined that his life
would have changed my life so much and so quickly.
Jordan is doing well today. He is still recovering from his surgery. With the PDA, the blood was flowing in an
irregular path. Now that the PDA is
fixed, his blood is flowing in the correct path that it should. This change was very sudden when they clipped
the PDA during surgery that now his body has to adapt to the new pattern of
blood flow. His heart is used to having a
much greater volume of blood in the right ventricle and in order to not cause
too much stress on his body, he needs to adapt to the change slowly. To add more volume to the blood, they are
putting water through his IV. This is
allowing the heart to feel as if it is fuller to gradually change to the normal
blood flow pattern. One problem is that
the sedation during the surgery had a greater effect than expected so his body
is still heavily sedated. When the body
is sedated, the veins are very open. This
is causing water to leak from his veins into the tissue right under the skin. As his sedation decreases, the water will go
back to the veins and he should be fine.
The worry is that this adaptation is a big process for such a tiny
little body. He only weighs a little
more than 12 ounces. The adaptation
should take one to two days. We are
praying that God would have his hands on our boy like he has from the beginning
and allow for a smooth transition. We
are so thankful that God placed us where we are because the doctors work very
hard and are passionate about helping Jordan.
They have his and our best interests at heart.
The nurse had mentioned that
another baby that she had seen that was similar to Jordan was in the NICU for 6
months. I was really shocked by
this. I expected 4 months for sure
because that is how premature he is but I did not expect 6. Of course every baby is different and this is
based on the baby rather than a specific time frame. I am confident that God’s timing will be perfect
for Jordan and for our family. I realize
that I don’t really know that much about preemie babies and the processes that
they have to go through and overcome and then the adjusted development after. It seems crazy to me that my 4-6 month old
may still be in newborn size diapers.
This will be a learning experience and I pray that God would guide Jacob
and I along this path successfully and help us to be the best parents possible.
Premature babies usually have
undeveloped intestines. Nutrition and
intestinal circulation is the next step for Jordan to overcome on his path
toward health. Because of the
undeveloped intestines, breast milk is very important for preemie babies. I have been pumping since I gave birth. I will be renting one of the hospitals
machines to pump with because they have the best in the world type of pumping
system. It is very expensive to rent but
it provides stimulation as well as pumping.
The main concern is that my milk would stop before he could drink
it. Because of this concern, I have to
be very diligent at pumping regularly and using the best equipment. I am praying that God would help me with this
discipline and allow there to be no issues.
I have a few minor concerns such as scheduling my pumping around my
visits and driving. Also, I have to keep
the milk completely frozen as if a block of ice for an hour and a half car
trip. I am slightly nervous about
that. The cost is also great because of
the pump and the bags but I am confident that God will provide.
My own condition is greatly
improved. My blood pressure is still
high and I will be on blood pressure medication for a few more weeks to a
month. I am not sure why my blood
pressure is continuing to be high but I am going to take as many personal
measures as I know how. I would like to
increase my healthy eating and slowly get back to exercising. I really need to get to a healthy weight and maintain a fitness
routine. I also need to ensure that I am
drinking enough water both for my own health and to keep up with producing
milk. My release date is on Sunday…in
two days. Tomorrow Jason will come up to
visit and then Sunday I will leave.
Monday I will drive up and visit Jordan.
My schedule for coming up to the hospital is going to be Monday,
Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.
Probably occasionally some Sundays when I really feel like spending time
with our boy. I wish I could come up
every day but it is expensive to drive every day and the tolls are expensive as
well.
Jacob had a meeting with his first
shirt today so tomorrow he will probably tell me everything they decided with
him going back to work and such. Our
church as set up a program where people will be bringing us meals Monday,
Wednesday, Friday , for the next two months.
I am so thankful for Calvary Baptist Church and I know that God placed
us there for this reason so that they would be our home away from home.
Being in a Japanese hospital is
very different but also it can be entertaining at the same time. We often laugh about little incidents that
happen throughout the day with the language barrier and cultural
differences. Yesterday Jacob was lying
in my bed and I was standing at the suitcase getting something out of it. The doctors walked in right at that
moment. For some reason, they always
come in a big group twice per day; once in the morning and once in the
evening. Usually there are at least
three and sometimes up to five and six of them that all come crowding into the
room. Anyway, they walked in and saw
Jacob lying in the bed and said “Oh, she turned into man!” LOL. We all had a pretty good laugh after that
one. I am so thankful that we are still
able to laugh and enjoy ourselves.
Without laughter and happiness, life is void. God wants us to be happy and not to worry
about things. He has them under
control. I am surprised that I have been
relatively calm about everything. I know
this is also Gods hand over me and showing me that when I trust in him, His
plans are perfect.
Lord, I just want to praise your
name and thank you for your awesome power and great miracle that you are
performing in front of our eyes. We are
so thankful for answered prayers. We
have been so blessed in this entire experience.
I feel like my relationship with you has grown in many ways. I have learned to rely on you and take the
day moment by moment. I have learned
that you have the details under control and don’t need my input to make them
happen. I have learned that you are a
Great God of love and power and that you love your creation so
unconditionally. Lord I want to thank
you for having your hand of protection around Jordan. I know that you have chosen his life for
great purpose and have chosen us to be his parents. Nothing has been a mistake but has all been
part of your perfect will. Lord I ask
that you would continue to watch over Jordan and infuse him with your
strength. Give him the strength to
overcome these obstacles and be a living testimony to your miracle and
power. Help us to reach many with his
story. Lord I ask that you would allow
his body to adapt to this new pattern of blood flow and help his body return to
a stabilized state. I ask that you would
allow him to come out of the sedation so that he may retain the water in his
veins and cause no issues toward his body.
I ask that you have your hand on him for the next step of his
process. Allow his intestines to begin
working properly and allow him to keep up his nutrition so that he may grow and
develop into a strong and healthy being.
Lord I ask that you would be with Jason as he is doing so well with the
crazy situation of not being with mommy all the time. I feel like your processes of the many
separations we have endured while being in Japan, have helped Jason to adapt
well to change. I am very thankful for this.
I also want to pray for Jacob.
Thank you for his loving heart and supportive attitude. Thank you for his unconditional love that he
shows me regularly. Please bless him and
allow him to also lean on me and not feel obligated to constantly hold on to my
burdens. Lord, I want to also pray for
myself. Allow me to not worry about
small issues and lean into you for strength when I am feeling week. Help me with my discipline to many tasks
including time with you, pumping, housework, etc. I need to be effective so that I can sever my
family in the best ways possible. Lord,
I wanted to thank you for giving us a huge surrounding body of godly friends
and prayer warriors. Without their
support, this journey would be much more difficult. Lastly Lord, I want to pray for the brand new
mother in the room next door and her sweet crying baby. I know she must be stressed as she is trying
to calm her new child but just bless her and help her to feel the full effects
of love. Praise your name for that
baby’s health and wellness. Lord thank
you for your grace and loving kindness.
Without those things, our world would be much different. I ask all these things in your name lord,
Amen.
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