22 days old 6-30-12

Jordan is 22 days old today.  I am having kind of an emotional day today.  Sometimes I cannot help but think of how it doesn’t seem fair that Jordan has to go through so much to be able to live in this world.  These are definitely some of the hardest days that we have ever endured.  What is amazing about all of this is that even when I feel sad and emotional, I don’t feel burdened or overcome.  I know this is because we are placing the entire situation in God’s control instead of our own.  It really eases our struggle and worries because we know that God is in control and will handle things.  I do whole heartedly trust in God’s plan.

Jordan seemed really uncomfortable and fussy today.  It really did break my heart.  I know it must not be at all comfortable for him to be on the ventilator and have doctors poking on him.  I wish more than anything that I could hold him and calm him.  I want to be his comforter.  Since I have no power to do that, I just pray that God would be his comforter and give him peace.  God has been my comforter in this entire situation and I know that God has been with Jordan as well.  The miracles that He is doing in this little boy’s life are outstanding.  I guess Jordan is allowed to have cranky days…I know I sure have those more than necessary.  Lord please give me patience to wait on your timing.

The doctors will continue that steroid treatments to mature and develop Jordan’s lungs and body.  The side effects of these treatments are low blood pressure and low sodium levels.  The doctors have been doing an alternating treatment where they give him the steroid, and then the next day they treat the side effects.  Then they repeat this process again.  They are also trying different types of treatments to see what is best for Jordan.  I really appreciate that his care is so specific and that doctors really do consider every option.  Today he was on the HFV.  It kind of makes his body shake a little with vibrations but this ventilator is better for his lungs than the conventional ventilator.  They are continuing to switch ventilators as needed.  Pray that God would place his hands on Jordan’s lungs so that he may come off of the ventilator on time.  This should be in about 3-4 weeks. 

After we visited with Jordan we went to Tony Romas for lunch.  It was so yummy and nice to just eat some almost American type of food.  We enjoyed ourselves and Jason had a blast.  On Saturdays he gets to come up to the hospital with us.  He is not allowed to go into NICU so we take turns with him in the playroom while the other visits with Jordan.  It will be wonderful when our two little boys are able to meet each other for the first time.  That will be a big and monumental moment in our lives.  Jason had a really great day with his attitude.  He has been very well behaved today.  This helps our energy levels out greatly.  Jason also makes us laugh constantly.  He was dancing and playing air guitar all day today.  We decided we need to have a jam room someday so we can all be musical and loud whenever we want. 

Lord, I pray that you would give Jordan strength and peace today.  Help him to relax and rest.  Please continue to place your healing hands upon him and guide his development.  We so badly want him to be able to live a long and healthy life and have the ability to experience the wonderful things in your creation.  We ask that you help him to gain weight and help him to feel loved.  Give us all patience as we wait on your perfect timing.  Allow us the strength to fight this day to day battle with joy and thanksgiving.  Help us to give you the glory and rely on you during emotional human times.  We are not even near perfect and we need your perfect grace every step of the way.  Allow us to be big testimonies to your power.  We ask that you would be with Jordan’s lungs and guide their development so that he might be able to breathe on his own in time.  Please be with Jason and help him to be the curious and fun little boy that you created.  Give him a loving attitude and allow us patience as we parent.  Help him to soak in the knowledge and example of your word.  Lord give me and Jacob strength as we embark on this journey.  We have a long way to go and we need you more than ever at each moment of every day.  We know that you will never leave us nor forsake us.  You are always there and always loving.  Lord be with the doctors and give them wisdom to select the correct treatment plans for Jordan.  Thank you for placing us in this location so that Jordan could receive this care.  Lord, lastly, give us rest.  Help us to rely on you at each minute and with each struggle.  You are our great supporter.  Thank you for the blessings you have given us.  We ask all these things in your name, Amen.

Jordan is THREE weeks old!!!! 6-29-12

Jordan is three weeks old today!!  I am amazed at how far he has come and how much he has overcome and accomplished in these three weeks of life.  God is so awesome and has blessed us immensely with this little boy.  This little fighter born at only 23 weeks gestation weighing only 12.3 ounces has survived when all the numbers were against him.  You call this chance?  Definitely not! This is a miracle given to us by God.  God has great plans for this little boy and wants us to use his story to reach people for God’s kingdom.  If you are reading this I truly hope you will look toward God with us and join us in thanking Him and glorifying Him for His great and awesome power.  He is the one who sustains us, loves us, strengthens us, and blesses us. 

Jordan is doing great today.  His respiratory condition is slowly improving.  Yesterday he was having a few issues with urinating and low blood pressure.  Today those issues are improving from yesterday.  Last night, Jordan got his new feeding tube put in.  This tube sits just past his stomach and allows the doctors to feed him a greater volume of milk while lowering the risk for reflux.  Reflux of the milk is not good because it goes into his lungs and causes his lung condition to worsen.  There were no complications during the procedure of inserting the new tube.  He was so cute today (of course I think he is cute every day!).  I enjoyed my hand cuddle time.  At first he was squirming around a bit but then he realized that my touch was different than that of a procedure that needed to be done.  It was nice to just watch him relax at my touch and make faces at mine and Jacob’s voices.  We are so in love with him!  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that this would be our lifestyle and that we would be blessed so much through this journey.  We have about three and a half more weeks until the doctors will try to take the ventilator out.  I am so looking forward to this because once he is stable off of the ventilator, then we will get to hold our sweet bundle.  For now, he needs to concentrate on gaining weight and maturity for his body.  This still is a daily struggle for him and things can change at any moment.  He will have good days and bad days but we know that God is holding him in His arms and that God’s plans are perfect.  I pray that God would continue to strengthen him and help him to improve.  I pray so hard that Jordan would be able to live a long and healthy lifestyle.

Some of the things make me laugh with him being in a Japanese hospital.  We have been doing so great with communication and translating but sometimes it does get difficult.  Today I was asking the doctor if I was allowed to take Tylenol for a headache.  I know normally it is acceptable but since Jordan is so premature, some of the medications normally acceptable are not acceptable for our situation.  Well no one understood what Tylenol was.  This made us laugh since Tylenol is so popular in the states.  The doctor had to look it up before he could give me an answer.  I am so thankful though that the doctor cares so much about trying to find solutions for us even when he does not understand.  I am very happy with the quality of care that Jordan is receiving.  I hope that we can be great testimonies to the doctors and nurses. 

Jason had a great day today.  He played with some wonderful friends that offered to watch him today and we were told that he had a blast.  Everyone tells us how well behaved he is at their houses and then when we get in the car, not five minutes later he is throwing a tantrum about something.  We were starting to wonder if all the babysitters are lying about how well behaved he is being.  LOL.  Just kidding.  I am glad that he is so well behaved for others.  We took Lucy girl to the dog park this evening and Jason had a blast chasing the bugs and ants around.  He has also been slightly obsessed with Cars the movie lately.  He has a Lightning McQueen race car that he likes to play with.  He calls it “Fighting the King”.  Close enough right?!  He really is such a boy and we are so blessed to have him!

I am looking forward to having both of my boys at home.  It will be so nice when we can just all four be a family.  I am confident that God is going to continue to bless Jordan so that he will someday be able to come home.  It is crazy to think that Jordan is three weeks old already and we have never even held him in our arms.  I really ask for patience as we wait for that moment.  May God make it perfect and special for us. 

Lord, I glorify your name that Jordan is three weeks old.  I am so thankful that you have blessed us with this child and I hope that we make you proud with our testimony of his life.  We are so underserving of this miracle but so grateful for the chance to work for you in this way.  I ask that you continue to bless him and strengthen him.  Allow his body to mature and develop quickly.  Help him to gain the weight that he needs to keep his body warm and allow him to continue to grow and improve.  Bless his little lungs and work on those to allow him to breathe on his own sooner rather than later.  We know that your timing is perfect.  We ask that you would astonish the doctors with his accomplishments and your miracles through his body.  We also ask that you would give us the chances to praise your name in front of the doctors and nurses and that you would allow this to plant a seed in their hearts so that they may be able to know you.  We thank you that the new feeding tube was inserted with no complications.  Thank you for blessing the doctors with a steady hand and great wisdom.  Please be with Jason as he continues to be the silly little boy that he is.  Thank you for the laughter, smiles, and happiness that he brings into our lives.  We ask that you would give us patience in our lives and allow our attitudes to reflect a godly spirit of your love.  Provide us safety as we travel back and forth and give us strength as this process is physically tiring.  Lord, thank you so much for the amazing friends that have become family.  You have provided so much love for us through your people and we are so honored to know them.  Lord please be with us as we work on getting all the paperwork under control to get Jordan’s birth registered and get him all the documentation he needs.  You know what we need to do and when we need to do it.  We ask that you would help us to not procrastinate on these important processes.  Thank you for your grace, power, and love.  Give us rest and peace as we sleep and strength while we are awake.  You are an amazing God.  In your name we pray, Amen.

20 days old 6-28-12

Jordan is 20 days old today.  I always seem to miss him a lot on the days that we don’t visit.  I know that this schedule is the best for us though.  If we were to visit every day, we would be overwhelmed.  We would also never get any of the paperwork completed or any housework finished.  I think it would also be a lot harder on Jason because he would not get the quality attention that he needs from his mom and dad.  I would so love to see baby boy every day though.  I find myself staring at his pictures a lot.  I keep asking myself when we will start to feel normal again; but what really is normal?    Sometimes my human emotional side takes over.  I tend to stress about when things will get done and who will do them.  I think I spend more time planning what to do when than actually doing things.  This is definitely an area that I need to give over to God.

Our lovely and wonderful friend Michiko called the NICU to get our update on Jordan today.  They weighed him again and his new weight is 15.76 ounces.  He is so close to being a whole pound!  We are so blessed.  You can see the differences in weight gain on his body.  I love that he is getting chunkier.  He is now eating 6ml of milk 8times per day.  Today he was having a few issues that needed treatment.  First, his blood pressure was low.  Second, he was having difficulty urinating.  It really is a daily struggle for him and for us.  He has to fight to live every single day.  Since he is so young, he has many risks and many things his body has to overcome.  Some of these issues can continue even after he is released from the hospital.  We do know that God has an awesome plan for his life and will use him in great ways.  We just have to trust that God will continue to give him and us the strength to carry through.  When we place all of our trust in the lord, He will direct our paths.  Mathew 19:26 says, “With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.”  I have held on to this verse many times and have used it to comfort me and give me strength.  My desires for Jordan are that he would be able to overcome all of these challenges and be released from the NICU with no lasting effects from being premature.  I desire that he would have a long and healthy life will all of the benefits that his brother has and all of the energy that comes with being a little boy.  These are my own personal desires.  I can only pray that God’s plans match my desires for his life and trust that God knows what is best.

We spent the morning sleeping in, skyping with family, and playing games with Jason.  He is getting so good at kicking the ball.  Jacob was working with him on his soccer skills and Jason was having so much fun.  He loves it when we give him attention and when we focus on him.  He needs this attention and emotional attachment.  This afternoon, Jason let me sing him to sleep and he fell asleep in my arms.  It was nice to have some cuddle time with my big boy! Mommy needed that time more than Jason will ever know.  It is so important to make your children feel special and loved each and every day.  We tell Jason how much we love him multiple times per day.  We want him to grow up knowing that he is such a special person in our lives. 

This afternoon, we went to work on some of the paperwork to register Jordan’s birth and to get his passport ready.  There is a lot of additional work that has to be done since he was born in a Japanese hospital.  Today we did not manage to get anything accomplished because we were just directed to different locations each time.  The main office that we need to visit has strict hours of 9-11 and 1-2 every day.  Don’t you wish that was your working schedule?! Sometimes the military “red tape” can be frustrating.  I guess that is just part of life though.  I would imagine that every business or lifestyle would have its quirks and annoying parts.

I am so thankful for Jacob.  I am so scared about him returning to work.  He still does not have a date to return yet but I know that it is coming.  It almost seems too good to be true that he would have three weeks off with no consequences.  I know that God is guiding things though.  Jacob has been such a huge supporter and helper.  I am thankful that he is my life partner in love!

I especially want to say a prayer about Colorado today.  Both Jacob’s and my families live there.  Currently, there are 11 fires around the state causing so much damage and burning many homes and so much land.  We call this place home and it is devastating to think of it being burned.  Two of the fires are pretty close to my family.  My sister was saying that her yard is covered in ash because of the fire being so close.  They are still far enough away from the actual burning but that is still scary to think about.  Please keep the people of Colorado in your prayers and pray for rain and safety.

Lord, I want to thank you for your blessings.  We are so grateful to have two amazing little boys.  We ask that you would be with Jordan each and every moment of every day.  Give him your strength and continue to work miracles in his little body.  We praise you for his weight gain and we ask that you would heal his body of the issues going on today.  We also ask that you would continue to touch his lungs.  Help them to mature and grow so that he may be able to come off of the ventilator on time.  We know that your plans for his body and life are perfect.  You have big plans for him and for us.  I pray that your plans would match my desires for him to have a long and healthy life.  I also pray that you would allow us to be great testimonies to the miracles that you are doing and that many lives would be changed through our story.  We glorify your name for this time that we have been given.  Lord I want to pray for Jason.  Help him to continue to be an active and wonderful little boy.  Be with his attitude and help him to overcome those two year old tendencies.  Give us patience and love as we parent.  Thank you for the little moments and the time and fun that we get to have with him.  Please be with us and give us strength to accomplish our tasks.  Help us to overcome any laziness that we may be feeling.  Lord, I really and truly pray that you would send your rain down to Colorado and wipe out those fires.  We know that your power is awesome.  Please surround your creation with you love and grace.  We pray for safety for those fighting the fires and pray that the people of Colorado would turn their eyes toward you during this struggle.  We thank you for your grace and love.  We ask all these things in your name, Amen.

19 days old 6-27-12

Today has been a very long but very rewarding day.  We had to get up early today because I had an appointment with the circulation doctor for a follow up with my blood pressure.  My blood pressure is now consistently around 110/80.  Because of this, I am able to stop taking blood pressure medication and I am medically cleared (with my blood pressure at least).  I am glad that God was also holding me in His arms during this time.  The HELLP condition is very serious and can cause lasting damage and death.  At the time, I was not really thinking about how seriously ill I was.  Thank goodness that God has everything under control. 

Jordan is such a cutie pie!  We are so thankful that he is gaining weight and getting some fat on his body.  It is nice to see a little pink boy with some chunk!  The doctor explained that they will now be giving him a new type of medicine.  It is an asthma treatment that is supposed to stimulate his lungs to breathe on their own instead of relying on the ventilator to do all the work.  We are praying that he does well with this medication because we really want him to be able to come off of the ventilator as scheduled.  The doctors were joking around that they constantly whisper Japanese into his ears so that he will grow up to be part Japanese! J The quality of care that he is receiving at the NICU here is amazing to me.  I am so grateful that God placed us in this location so that Jordan could receive this care.  I am so thankful for his doctors and nurses.  They really do care about Jordan and want him to succeed. 

We were playing around with him today and we started tickling his little feet.  He wiggled them away really quickly.  Looks like his feet are ticklish like his mommy’s.  The doctor was explaining to us about stimulation.  When you touch a premature baby that is so young really quickly and do it often, then it can cause a lot of stimulation that is not good for the baby.  In the womb, the baby is not touched and all sounds and lights are muffled.  In the NICU, the baby is in the incubator for warmth but also to protect the baby from stimulation.  The doctor was also explaining though that premature babies also need the emotional connections for good development.  The emotional connection is a soft holding touch for a longer period of time.  This skin to skin contact calms the baby and provides and emotional connection.  I guess we should refrain from too much tickling.  He is just so cute and cuddly looking.  I cannot wait until we can hold him.  I just want to crawl into his incubator and cuddle up with him for a while.  Does anyone have a shrinking machine that I could borrow?!

After we got home we had to run some errands and do some more paperwork.  We are so thankful that the military insurance is able to cover all of our medical bills.  They are also able to cover our driving costs.  God is so good to provide this financial support for us.  Without this, our bills would be too high to imagine.  It costs 1660 yen round trip in tolls per day.  This is about $20 depending on the yen rate.  That plus gas could get overwhelming quickly. 

I have exactly two more weeks before I start my college classes again.  I am taking online classes through University of Phoenix for my degree in elementary education.  When I was admitted to the hospital, I had to drop the classes I was taking and then put my schedule on hold.  I decided to take a month of leave and see how things were going.  I was taking a double full time schedule but now I will just be taking one class at a time for a while.  Pray for me as I prepare to have homework in addition to everything else.  Also pray for my family as they deal with me while I am adjusting back to having homework lol. 

Lord, we are so thankful for your awesome power.  Jordan is truly a miracle and we are so blessed by his life.  I pray that you would help us to focus on you lord and trust in your plans.  Even during the happy times we should be praising and glorifying your name.  We are so underserving of your love but you give it anyway.  As part of human nature, we come crying when we are in trouble but often forget during times of happiness.  Instead, we should be giving you praise and thanking you for the blessings that you have provided.  Lord we are very thankful for our church family.  They have been taking care of us so well.  Your people have been surrounding us as if we are family.  They have been a blessing to us during this time.  Lord we ask that you would continue to hold Jordan in your hands.  Give him strength to continue to overcome all medical challenges.  We pray that the asthma medication would do well for his body and we pray that his lungs would have no lasting damage from any of the treatment.  We are so thankful that he is continuing to gain weight and grow.  It is nice to be able to see the differences in his skin and see the fat accumulating on his body.  We ask that you would be with Jason and continue to bless him.  He brings much laughter to our lives and we pray that we can be great examples for both Jason and Jordan.  We lift them up to you and commit to raising them up in the church and sharing your word and love with them.  We are confident that they will also come to know you personally.  For now, we ask that you would just hold them both in your arms. We pray for strength and energy.  Allow us to have good rests at night so that we have the strength to make it through the day.  Lord help us to lean on you if we find that strength waning.  We pray that you would use us as testimonies for your purpose.  Guide us along these paths and help us to give you all the glory.  We ask all of these things in your name, Amen.

18 days old 6-26-12

Today was a very productive day.  We left the house earlier than normal because we had a meeting with Jordan’s doctor and the pediatric doctor from the base.  The meeting was to determine the care plan for Jordan from now on and in the future.  For the first part of the meeting, the doctors discussed Jordan’s care alone in order to decide the best plan of action for the future.  Jordan is doing well.  His respiratory condition is slowly improving each day.  They are still using a combined treatment for his ventilator system.  Sometimes he is on conventional ventilation and sometimes he is on HFV.  The goal is to have him consistently on HFV because that prevents more ventilator damage to his lungs.  He is using his lungs by himself, but he still needs the assistance sometimes to push the air out and stabilize the oxygen intake and levels.  The doctors will be able to remove the ventilator tube at 30 weeks gestation which is 4 weeks from now.  After this, Jordan will be on CPAP treatment which is a mask of oxygen that goes over his nose.  He should be on CPAP for about 4 weeks and then they will try to wean him down to not needing any extra oxygen for breathing.  The respiratory system takes the longest amount of time.  The doctors are also going to be inserting a new feeding tube system.  Instead of the normal tube that sits in the stomach, they will insert a different tube that goes just past the stomach.  This will allow them to feed him greater volumes of milk while avoiding reflux.  Reflux is bad because some of the milk goes into his lungs and causes a worse respiratory condition.  The doctor had said that he was impressed by Jordan and the accomplishments that he has made toward health because of being born at such a young gestational age.  Praise God that Jordan is already being a testimony of God’s power and grace at such a young age.

The doctors seem very knowledgeable and confident in their treatments and they are always very thorough with their explanations and descriptions.  We have been very blessed to work with the Japanese doctors and we know that God placed us here specifically for Jordan’s care needs.  Eventually, we will probably end up moving back to the states on medical orders to continue Jordan’s care.  None of this has been set in stone yet though and the doctors are still taking Jordan’s situation on a case by case basis.  Our own base does not have any specialists or advanced medical care so if Jordan needs any type of follow on care, then the military would need to send us to a location that offers the care for his needs.  Please pray that God would take care of all the details and that we would learn to trust fully in his plans.  God has everything under control so we have no business worrying about the situation. 

After we were finished with the meeting we came home and picked Jason up early.  Jason is getting to the point where he doesn’t really need his naps anymore and doesn’t really have a desire to take a nap.  This is okay but I am still going to require that he at least have a one hour quiet time (more for my benefit than his lol).  Jason LOVES to kick the ball and is getting very good at it.  He is going to be a sports star for sure!  Today he was playing with his cars with Jacob and they were saying, “ready, set, go!” and then Jason would rev up his car and take off with it.  After a while, Jacob started to play with him by saying, “ready, set, cupcake!”  Jason thought this was funny but he did well about not moving the car until daddy said go.  He wasn’t going to be tricked!!  Then a few minutes later as he was playing the game without daddy, we heard him say to his car, “ready, set, cookies!!” LOL.  We both started laughing.  I love that he has so much fun and is able to play by himself at times.  I also love that his imagination is really developing.  I look forward to watching both of my boys play and run around together in the future. 

After playing with Jason for a few hours, we decided to get some of our much needed house cleaning accomplished.  Jacob and I worked hard and got a lot done.  We really do enjoy having a clean house lol.  It just is harder to keep up with the cleaning when we already have a big schedule.  We also need to start organizing the house to be prepared in case we end up having a short notice move in the future.  I am so thankful that Jacob has been by my side for this journey.  I would not want to share these moments with any other person.  He has been a huge support to me and I am blessed to have such a loving and caring husband.  Soon he will be going back to work.  I pray that I have much more energy by that time.

Lord, we just want to thank you so much for choosing our son for this miracle and this journey.  We are so blessed for his life and to have the ability to watch you work through him.  We pray that we are good testimonies of your work for others to witness.  We ask that you keep your hands over Jordan and our future lives.  Please continue to hold Jordan in your arms and help him to continue to strengthen and develop so that he might lead a full healthy life and be a great witness for you.  I ask that you would guide the procedure to insert the new feeding tube and allow there to be no complications with that process.  I ask that you would guide the doctors and guide the base personnel as they make decisions that affect our future location and future medical care.  Lord, here we are! If it is in your plans for us to move from this location then send us to the place where we are most needed and can affect the most difference with our lives and our testimonies.  I thank you for Jason and his development and personality.  He lights up our life with his spirit and we are blessed.  Lord please bless my wonderful husband.  I thank you that you have given me such an awesome life partner to share in this journey of life.  I am so blessed for his unconditional love and care.  Lord, thank you for your love.  We are so honored and we have been learning so much.  We will continue to rely on you minute by minute and hour by hour.  We know that you have everything under control and will guide us in the correct paths.  We simply have to give up our own control and let you handle things.  We are learning that things turn out much better when we let you pilot our lives.  Please continue to bless our little boys and provide them both with strength and health.  We ask all these things in your name, Amen.